Marriage by Dr. Swatee Miittal

Here’s why a romantic should never get married. A romantic never settles enough to expect the mundane and be happily contained with it, yet can never bring themselves to make the choice of leaving. So, this blog is not for those who have the courage to make the bold decision of putting an end to what they started. Neither is it for the pragmatic ones, the ones who have their expectations from life sorted. It is for those who live in the sliver of the shade, choosing neither this nor that, and thus forever navigating their way through the no man’s land. Foraging their path, foolish enough of not letting go and courageous enough to believe in hope.  

This tribe doesn’t give up on people, that’s their biggest strength and guess what….it is their biggest trap too. We believe in fairytales, the happily ever after, and so even when we are in our darkest hours we refuse to believe that this is how it is supposed to end. Because we have never witnessed an alternate end to the story, we do not know of a world that exists beyond the ‘happily ever after’. And thus our life becomes a constant ‘maybe, one day, some day’ and ‘only ifs’ burdened with a bundle of hope and looking outside for eternal happiness. 

But marriage is tough. It is hard work and lots of patience. And sometimes it can feel like you are the only one who cares, who wants more from life. And those can be the toughest times. You see across the hallway, sitting on the sofa your significant other watching a movie numbly. You know it is to draw away the tiredness of the day’s exhaustion. You look at them and wonder, what could you have done differently that things would have not been the way they are now. Second guessing all your life choices you look at them wondering what if they were in this very moment holding your hand and looking into your eyes, listening to the excited child in you chirp about the day, listening really deeply, intently, focused upon you as if every single word you said mattered. Empathize with you, encourage you, celebrate your little wins and joys, and share theirs, like two romantics, holding hands cuddled in a blanket watching the stars from the window. 

There’s nothing more a romantic craves for than emotional intensity and an intentional effort to express those emotions. The sound of the gunshot brings you back to reality. You are still in your hallway echoing with the hollywood action movie. You draw a deep breath to see if you can make something happen at that very moment, together. You look up, you watch them switch off the tv, get up from the sofa and slumber into the bedroom drowning in sleep already. 

And that’s why a romantic should never marry. For there is nothing more unromantic on the planet than marriage itself. The sad part is though, no one ever prepares you for that. Literally no one tells you otherwise. You know what’s sadder? We knew it all along, we watched our parents, our neighbors while growing up, we know about all our friend’s married lives too, but yet we choose to believe deep inside that somehow our story would end up being different. Somehow, things would work out for us in the end. Like they do in the movies, in every story we have learnt while growing up. There goes a famous saying. Ending is always happy, if it isn’t it probably isn’t the end. What no one tells us is, to first find out the true definition of happiness before seeking it out with another person out in the world. How do you know when you are really happy ? And if you ever find joy even for a moment, how do you sustain it ? 

My heart goes out to all the romantics out there, who are married. It is not about the other person, there is something about ‘marriage’ itself. The institution is simple and complex, both. What it is, perhaps is quite tough to put it all into words somehow. But here’s what I know for sure it isn’t, it’s not a bed of roses. And especially when you are a romantic at heart, be willing to unlearn every little thing they taught you in books, movies and songs all along. Take this as an opportunity of rediscovering and redefining yourself, and your definition of both Love & Happiness. Find your version and then nurture it, see it grow….it won’t be without thorns but who knows, it might be worth it, just finding yourself.