Hypothyroid.
8 years & 40+ kgs later…
You realize it is not something that a 100 mcg pill can resolve.
You are told that you will need to take this pill for the rest of your life and that’s all, it will fix everything.
What they do not tell you is this, that just like any other chronic illness, this will also eat your ‘essence’ away bit by bit, slowly…
It will take away the sparkle you have on your face when you look at yourself. It will change you mentally….emotionally and worst of all physically.
I say worst of all physically because when you change physically the way people treat you changes. It changes everything around you. You can see the world from different viewpoints. If you have ever been on the other side you know what I mean.
An illness can change you, deeply impact in ways you could have never imagined. It silently kills you and your dreams. Yes the internet is full of pep talks, tedx talks of people who made it through the dark times, yes the web is filled with ‘knowledge’ of how your life & everything in your life is your own creation, you attract everything and how you shouldn’t let anything stop you, how you shouldn’t give a fuck….but what they all often leave out is this essential part of the truth ….this other side……for days and sometimes months when you do not feel like anything you are doing will ever going to change things…….they will visit these ‘dark places’ sometimes in their lives and it is important to talk about them as well.
I think it is extremely important to talk about these along with all the accomplishment posts that everyone posts about. These are just as true then why hide them ? Hiding these only makes people believe that they are suffering alone while everyone else seems to be having a perfect time, seems to have figured out all in their lives, celebrate a promotion, celebrate a car, celebrate a baby, a business achievement , celebrate themselves…..but why push the darker days under the carpet ?
Every single person who stops to read this post (even those who skip it owing the length), has been on the receiving end of the hypocrisy of our times…… we talk about the concepts of ‘self-love’, ‘self-acceptance’ but mostly to use it as a valid excuse to justify self indulgence falling prey to commercial consumeristic solutions –
“Feeling low ? pamper yourself with our latest collection of spa, makeup, parlor, clothes, jewelry, daru, vacation or stuff in some more junk food…” and viola !
Everything is fixed ! Just like that ! Magically ! And oh ! Since you are already here do not forget to click a pic and leave us a kind review with hashtag #selflove on Instagram (to receive a 10% discount on your next purchase from us !)
So smile Queen !
Yes, that’s it
Social media just fixed it for you ! You name it and the hashtag is ready ! Use all the right words, but inside, nothing changes, outside nothing changes as well. You are still the soft spot for sarcasm and jokes in a public group, and if you express your feelings then it’s too bad for you cause you should simply “chill, don’t take yourself too seriously, after all it is just a harmless joke !”
No one would crack harmless jokes on people who are aesthetically pleasing to the eye ! That’s a hard fact right there, as hard as it might be to swallow, it is true and you agree deep inside.
My question is do we ever talk about the intense mental impact it has on people ? 24×7 ? Never !
I feel these words deeply as a individual who was diagnosed with hypothyroid 10 yrs ago. There were days where I would just lay on the bed for the whole time and had to drag myself out of bed to make dinner. I was “lazy”. Daily pep talks to just snap out if it were clearly not working 😉. It took a lot of research to identify what would work for me and now i am at a stage where i am able to ignore the “friendly suggestions” and put my mental health first. Talking about mental health makes people uncomfortable but the conversation should be on, always.
Hi Parisha, thank you for writing a comment. You know how much your comment means to me ? As a writer, I put out some of my most intense moments of life. But when someone writes back sharing it resonated with them, that they too lived that reality, I experience this intense connection with them instantly. The friendly advice, the judgemental looks, the pity tone, the sarcasm, the mental fog, the challenge to get out of bed, the challenge to pull myself to meet people outside (the very people i loved spending time with earlier), the constant regret, deep sadness and guilt, the feeling of having loosing a lot of my time in what now feels like just a cloud…IS ALL REAL. So I am extremely happy to hear that you have decided to put your mental health first, I applaud your courage, will and determination to get through it all and choose yourself. Always remember to stay kind to yourself !