She stands in a state of panic. A pile of freshly done laundry lay on the chair, breakfast leftovers still at the dining table and the kitchen was in a mess.
It was a Sunday and the cleaning lady seemed to have given herself an off.
“Why couldn’t you tell me before ?” she asks him picking up the dirty plates.
“How would I know ? They just called and asked if we were at home, what was I suppose to say ?” retorts her husband squeezing his shaving cream.
“Why didn’t you make some excuse ?!” she shrieks in a panic wiping the table.
“What’s wrong with you ?! You want me to lie to my own relatives now ?” he stops to look at her in disbelief.
“You could have told them to come next Sunday !” she blurts out picking up their dirty laundry from the floor.
“Fine ! I will tell them not to come because my wife has a problem!”
She pulls out a fresh set of bedsheets from the cupboard, “You could have at least asked me once”.
“Asked you permission to let my own relatives come home ? Do you even hear yourself ? You sound just like those controlling wives !”
“Just look around the house, all I can see is mess everywhere! If only you had requested them to visit next weekend I could have arranged the home and planned a good meal. Now, they will be here in an hour while I still have to take a bath, get ready, wash the dishes, arrange the living room and prepare for lunch as your Chachaji only prefers home cooked food. I had such an exhausting week at the office, I just wanted to relax in my pyjamas this Sunday” she says fumbling through her phone to order milk, paneer and curd for lunch and tea.
“Listen, no one is asking you to clean. They won’t even notice. They have visited multiple times before our marriage and never complained once”.
“Because it was different then. They won’t judge you. They will judge me. I know.” She utters in exasperation, soaking the dal & rice in water.
“Great! So now, you know my relatives better than me! Listen! You go enjoy your Sunday! I will manage them by myself!” he says curtly slamming the bathroom door.
She stands there fighting back tears. In her heart she knows he shouldn’t have to ask her before letting his relatives come over, this is his home too. But then, why is she shivering with anxiety ? Why is she feeling so nervous, restless and guilt-ridden ?
Who taught her to see the dust on the table, wet towel on the floor, tea stains on the gas stove, scissors on the counter, oil finger prints on the kitchen drawers ?
Who trained her eye to notice all of it ?
Why can’t she ‘unsee’ them now ?
How come her husband never ‘sees’ them ?
Wasn’t his eye trained to notice all the dirt, the chaos and the mess ?
Why does he not fear the consequences of guests entering a messy home ?
Read The Next Story The Daal Dilemma Here https://blog.swateemiittal.com/gender-inequality-in-marriage/
Did you ever feel that your eye has been trained differently due to your gender ?
Did you ever feel that a messy room brought in different the consequences for you than your male counterpart ?
It is because of gender biased upbringing.
In most households as kids we have overheard people judging the woman of the house for the mess. Even if the mess was created by the male counterparts living there. I want to know, till when will we keep judging & punishing one gender for basic life skills like cooking and cleaning ?
We judge other women, then we raise our daughters to live in a world where they are judged by others.
Why do we lay such emphasis on this ? Will we change this culture of gender biased upbringing change ?
