It was 2016, the third year of me being diagnosed with hypothyroid. I did my best to lose the compounding weight. But everything that used to work earlier, had stopped showing results. I kept reducing calorie intake, to an extent of developing an eating disorder.
Stamina kept dropping, all my energy was being stored as fat due to my new metabolic condition. It felt as if something was changing right in the core of my body that I had no control over. My body was behaving like a total stranger.
It was a tough time.
Back then, what really made it worse, was the insensitive blatant remarks of people. Dozens of incidents wherein people threw their cruel judgements disguised as ‘well meaning concern’ occurred on a daily basis. Consequentially, I started avoiding meeting people.
Most people, including some very close friends (who knew about my medical condition) surprised me with their reactions every time they met me.
These very friends spoke defiantly on ‘body positivity’ in public, yet the first thing they noticed about me was my changing body size.
One incident particularly stands out for me. I was visiting the National School of Drama, my alma mater, to collect some documents when I heard someone call my name followed by a loud exclamation. I looked up to see one of my seniors walking towards me covering his mouth with his hands staring at my body.
Absolutely Nothing could prepare me for what was about to come next.
As he walked towards me, he yelled, “Swatee kitna khayegi, phat jayegi !!!”
(how much are you going to eat, you will burst).
I froze. He made no attempt in masking the contempt in his voice. His eyes shining with a cruel smile.
Picture this, I was standing at the reception area – the main entrance, there were several other people at the reception, some knew me, a few juniors, a few faculty and staff members, even the security guards, everyone looked at me.
I could feel their eyes on me. I was deeply embarrassed. I just smiled and had a two minute chat with him on auto pilot, before excusing myself from there.
I rushed to the washroom to get a grip on my emotions. I burst into tears, my face burning red.
Mind has weird ways of functioning. Sometimes you makes to forget an urgent important task, while sometimes it remembers every single details of an incident that perhaps you should let go off long back. The mind not only remembers them, it ensures to manifest the emotion in a real physical form to freeze the memory of the pain along with the actual incident itself.
For years, I felt the emotion of Shame literally standing on the reception stairs waiting to stare into my soul if I ever dared to walk in again.
The question I want to ask is, why do people think it is okay to comment about your weight, body, hair or anything at all ? In my case my senior mocked me assuming I was growing fat because of overfeeding myself.
We were never close, not even as friends.
Yet he felt entitled to comment on my body.
There were other people standing in the vicinity. He did not care.
I was fighting a medical condition. He did not care.
8 years later, I do not hold any malice towards him (ok, maybe a little!) but I sometimes wonder, would he have any idea about the impact his words made ?
Recently, Anant Ambani has been the target of mass public bullying and body shaming.
It was a special moment of his life. But we could not care less. We as an audience could not spare him for being him.
How dare he’s not a six pack poster boy despite being rich ?
How dare he thinks he would be spared due to his medical condition ?
How dare he marry Radhika ‘a conventionally beautiful woman’ even though she’s his childhood love ?
How dare Radhika choose to marry him ? Oh, he’s undeserving of love, so perhaps she’s marrying him for all the money.
What other reason can there be ? It’s not like someone like Radhika could marry a guy looking like him.
How dare he looks happy ? He cannot be spared. And so, let’s attack him!
For something that he did not ‘choose’. For something he himself might be struggling with, mentally, emotionally, physically. Let’s make it worse for him. ON HIS WEDDING DAY. Why ?!!!
When will we as a society evolve ?
Here we are, body shaming the groom, left right and centre.
Every post’s comment section is filled with people trolling him for his body. When he is dancing, people leave heartless comments, when he is sitting on the horse for the baraat he is called an “elephant sitting on a horse”.
Indian Society needs to get over body shaming
The woman in her post says, “who will live with this hippopotamus ?”
Really ?
When did we stoop so low ?
We cannot see a Living Breathing Human behind the Body ?
People, give it a rest. He has a medical condition.
So, if someone is Body shaming another person, remember this : It is not a comment on the other person, it reflects their own deep rooted issues, triggers and trauma. They need to work on fixing that, before puking insensitive words and spreading negativity and hate.
We really need to evolve as a society on many aspects, specially this. I have multiple stories and incidents to share on Body Shaming especially in Indian society. I will be come back to talk about them in the future.
For now I’ll sign off by sharing something Katrina Kaif said in one of her interviews. – growing up her mother taught her, ‘if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all’.
Rightly said! it’s so deep rooted specially in Indian society. Ater coming out of my own country , I feel body shaming and skin colour shaming is more rampant in India.
I must admit, we definitely have it interwoven in our upbringing. The jokes, the stories about the princesses being fair, even the images of our Gods and Goddesses turning into zero figure and six pack ab symbols. The blatant intervention of relatives, neighbours and friends that disguise their own insecurities under the garb of ‘well wishing’ or ‘jokes’ and try to put them on you.
After my uncle had not seen me in years, he saw me and the first thing he said is ‘Ohh you have put on a lot of weight’. I also have a medical condition which has contributed to weight gain – I don’t sit around stuffing my face contrary to his opinion. When he said that I also just felt like running away and crying because my uncle, who had not seen me in years, did not think to ask ‘How are you’, ‘It’s been so long, what have you been upto’. No, the first and defining thing about me was to comment on my weight. And why does this old man think he has a right to comment on his niece’s body? You’re right, this is his own pain and issues and triggers coming out but it doesn’t stop the shame and hurt. I am learning to let go and also not give time and space to people who do not support me.
I am sorry that you had to go through it. It is never easy. Extremely uncalled for, I strongly feel people need to learn respecting boundaries since early childhood. The uncle must have had zero clue about the impact his words would have on you and your mental health. Yes, it is a projection of what he thinks about his own self. I hope you outshine every dark memory and bring out your true self #liveyourtruth .